Hope and Denial
by Question Mark Hatman
Summary: One loves but can't accept it. The other doesn't accept the other's love, but accepts that the other can love...all because of a song and a concert. [Max/Takao]


Author's note : I seriously have no freaking idea why this fic actually came into existance. I don't even have any idea if it'll have a pairing. All I have to say is this : "I am sorry."  
  
Oh, and all "references" to various groups are mine, unless otherwise stated. Beyblade is not mine.  
  
Oh, and I've separated the concert from the actual fic because the concert is a Max PoV.  
  
Lyrics are in between ~  
  
--------------------  
  
~No one should have to hide away  
  
But is there any other way?~  
  
The ending of the chorus to "Just A Feeling", a rather popular song, for an American group, in Japan.   
  
The tinkle of shower-water was pouring on a small-framed blond, as he was rincing his hair. This particular small-framed blond enjoyed singing in the shower, however, said particular small-framed blond did not sing very well, so he kept his voice to himself most of the time. "Lie for Life" had been his favorite for a while now, and he knew the song by heart. One might think, were he to know who this particular small-framed blond is, that it is not a song that suits him. They were right about one thing, the lyrics weren't his favorite part of the song, but the upbeat guitar and the crystal-clear voice of the singer had made him fall in love with the song. A sigh of cleanliness came up from aforementioned small-framed blond person as he got out of the shower and put on his traditional orange shirt and green suspenders combination of clothes. Tacky, yes, but people knew him as the orange and green wearing American. Of course, he was half-Japanese, but no one cared about that, no one ever does.  
  
His sense of fashion having been squashed by people's attempts at normalcy, he got down the stairs slowly, recalling the memory of the melody he had been singing during a part of his morning ritual. Beady little sleepy eyes looked upon the bowl of cereal that was presented in front of them as the person looking at the cereal was currently lazily sitting down. He nonchalantly grabbed the spoon and started to eat. Every morning was spent to shower, eat and then do something. However, this morning signaled an end to Max's boring routine, as tonight he would see his favorite group in concert, and what thrilled him was that his father, who usually insisted to go with him because he was scared that Max would get hurt, was staying home to manage the shop! Max would thus be alone to go to the concert, and be able to enjoy it fully.  
  
However, the waiting for the concert was something that would take a long time, as it did not start before 7 PM, and it was currently ten hours before the start of the concert. It could be a great time to get some adrenaline before mellowing out for the concert, but with who? What could give him such a rush other than a beyblade battle? Absolutely, positively nothing. The problem with having a beyblade battle was having worthwhile competition, and sadly, Max had none. He could face a fellow Bladebreaker, but the problem with that was that Rei was visiting home, Kai had disappeared somewhere, as usual, and Takao was on vacation, in more words than needed to describe this feeling, he was extremely bored. Nothing good was on TV, and no other activity than beyblading had ever held his interest. So, the only activity that was availiable to him was to slouch on the couch waiting for excitement to come out of a pouch.  
  
Instead of coming out of a pouch, it came out of the phone. Caller ID indicated Kinomiya. Max wondered why Takao would call him, especially considering he was visiting relatives in Okinawa, and since Okinawa was really freaking far from Max's household, Max wondered what could have happened to Takao for him to call him. He carefully picked up the reciever, and gently greeted the person calling him.  
  
"Hi, Max? This is Takao!"  
  
"Takao? Weren't you on vacation in Okinawa?"  
  
"Well, you know, grandpa saw my report card and forbade me to come with him. He knows I enjoy going there because of all the seafood! Darn him!"  
  
"Hehe...you got grounded!"  
  
"Yeah, but who cares about that? Wanna to do something together?"  
  
"But...aren't you grounded?"  
  
"Technically, yeah, but grandpa isn't here, he's in Okinawa!"  
  
"You don't have a babysitter!?"  
  
"I'm not a baby."  
  
"I know that, silly, but isn't that irresponsible of your grandpa?"  
  
"Bah, you know my grandpa, he'd have done that even if I was 2 years old. Anyway, you coming or what!?"  
  
"Okay, I'm there!"  
  
Max put down the reciever and quickly noticed his dad of where he was going, his dad having nothing else to say except "Have a good time!". Max took heed of his dad's well-wishing, and closed the door behind him, walking, skipping on to Takao's home. He kept smirking, smiling, grinning all the way to Takao's house, his ticket in his front pocket, he turned the corner right into Takao's home, as Takao was outside, waiting for Max.  
  
"Why the smile, Max?" asked Takao. Takao was pretty much the standard 14 year old with a hobby. He cared about his hobby, then had another side one, which was eating, and after that, he was pretty much oblivious to anything else.  
  
"Look at this!" he said, pulling out his concert ticket.  
  
"Uh, it's a concert ticket."  
  
"Yeah, duh. but guess what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"No, silly, you're supposed to guess!"  
  
"What do you mean, I'm supposed to guess!? I didn't even know you liked music!"  
  
"Of course I like music! Everyone likes it!"  
  
"Well, not me I don't!"  
  
"You don't like music?"  
  
Max playfully knocked on Takao's head.  
  
"Hey, stop that!"  
  
"I'm just making sure there's something up there."  
  
"Why you..."  
  
Max laughed and held Takao at bay, while explaining that it was all a joke.  
  
"So, what's the group?"  
  
"Oh, yeah! They're called 'Table Bind' and they are really good! I've been wanting to go see this for months!"  
  
Takao was surprised. If Max wanted to go see that concert, then wouldn't he, the person he thought was Max's best friend, have heard about it? This set off a stream of puzzling questions, of them "When are we gonna eat?" to "Why hasn't he told me this before?"  
  
He decided to ask the latter of the questions.  
  
"So, Max. You never told me you liked music before?"  
  
"Didn't I?"  
  
"Nope, I don't recall you saying anything about it."  
  
"Sorry, it's just that I tend to keep things like that to myself."  
  
"Anything you'd like to tell me since we're talking about that?"  
  
Max was a bit taken aback by the question, knowing that there was probably a lot of things he should tell Takao...but a lot of them weren't supposed to be told now.  
  
"Nope!"  
  
So, they sat in front of Takao's home, while thinking of something to do. Max had hours to kill before that concert, and for now, they were only killing time together, instead of actually doing something. Takao asked Max what he wanted to do, then Max answered that he didn't know, and that he'd do whatever Takao wanted to do. The cycle went on and on until they decided it would be better if they stopped talking.  
  
A stray cat walked in front of Takao's house, it was the highlight of their morning spent together. A few minutes later, Takao called lunch. They whipped up something fast, ate furiously and went out again to bask in the glory of the sun, for their second time today. Takao, as strange as this sounded, didn't feel like beyblading. He wanted a break from being the world champion, thus beyblading was out of the question, and Takao didn't have anything to do. Max had no idea. Takao felt like talking, so Max followed.  
  
"So...Max...what do you do when you're not beyblading?"  
  
"I dunno...I guess I sleep a lot and listen to music."  
  
"At least you have something to do."  
  
"Weren't you praticing Kendo with your grampa?"  
  
Takao sighed, then answered.  
  
"Yeah, but it's just so...repetitive and stuff. He wants me to practice practice and practice some more. I'm a growing boy, I've got other things to do, like beyblading."  
  
"Haven't you realized that beyblading isn't everything?"  
  
Takao was insulted, his favorite sport, his hobby, his life, even, reduced to nothing by his supposed best friend.  
  
"What do you mean beyblading isn't everything? Of course it is! I mean, beyblading's the coolest thing on the planet! I seriously don't get people who don't like beyblading! I mean, it's got action and strategy! What more could they want!?"  
  
"Takao..."  
  
Max shut up after saying that, Takao turned his head and pouted. Saddened, Max looked at his watch and left. It was well in the afternoon, and Takao didn't seem like he would grow out of his pouting, so that was the only logical course of action for Max, who wished he didn't have to go under such dark clouds. Dark clouds, Max thought, don't necessarily mean there's going to be rain!  
  
So he smiled and nodded, knowing the concert was sooner than when he first arrived at Takao's.  
  
He returned home, his ticket still safely in his pocket, only to find his dad at the counter, waiting for customers. He hopped in the back of the house, and turned on the TV. Some of the channels were covering the big concert tonight, which he had scored a ticket to.  
  
Max, in his excitement, had not even looked at which seat he had scored. He had been saving his allowance for getting that ticket, but fortune struck him and he managed to win a ticket at a school tombola. It was the top prize which could have only been won by winning all the games, and being the first to do so. Max had been lucky that day, the balls went in the right holes, the bottles all fell under the might of his throw, the bell rang after he smashed the lever with the hammer. In fact, Takao and Kyoujyu had wondered how he had managed to win all the games. Some of them were almost impossible.  
  
Looking at the store, Max's dad asked for an employee to cover for him because he had something to do with his son. The employee went behind the register to oppose all of the people in the store. No one would get past him without paying what they had in hand, but that is another story.  
  
Max's father looked at his son, laid down lazily on the couch, watching the boob tube. He knew that in only a few hours, he would be in that concert hall, listening to his favorite group, immersing himself into a sensorial experience like no other, or at least, until the fans start screaming. As such, he wanted to make his son's first concert memorable. Going to his room, digging through his souvenirs of his youth, he found the things that reminded him of his frequentations with Judy, how bad they ended, nobody knew, but it did remind him of that time of tolerance and peace at the very first Woodstock, where he had met Judy. The thing he wanted to give Max wasn't as old as that, but it was old.  
  
After much reflexion, he did not know if he should give it to Max.  
  
Ten seconds later, he was downstairs, speaking to his son.  
  
"Max, I'd like you to have this."  
  
He showed an old Zippo brand lighter.  
  
"Wow...but why, dad?"  
  
"Because I want you to experience music just like I did in my old times, when I met your mother."  
  
"You mean...this thing is that important?"  
  
"Yes, but I'd like you to have it...I'm getting old in years, and I have the hobby shop to run. I'd rather have it used in concerts than staying in a souvenir box."  
  
Max was a bit speechless. A light dose of "Thanks dad!" cured that instantly.  
  
"Now, I don't want you to use it in anything else other than concerts, and only when you wave it up in the air to light up the hall, okay!?"  
  
"Okay that!"  
  
At this point in time, Max did not get what was his dad talking about, he would learn eventually, perhaps even at his own expense, but right now, he was happy that he had his dad's old zippo. He wondered if it still worked. Flicking the cap, he lit it, and was surprised when a column of flame almost burst to his face!  
  
"Oh, son, I forgot...I...kinda trifled with it when I was younger...so it may be a tad excessive."  
  
"I noticed."  
  
They both had a hearty laugh, and went back to their respective occupations. However, it was now time for the concert.  
  
Max had eaten on the run, and now was seated in a great seat in the concert hall, waiting for the group to come on stage. Everything was ready, the crowd was packed. With a loud cheer, the performers arrived on stage.  
  
* * *  
  
I was ready, and by the looks of the cheers in the hall, so was everyone else. It was really exciting to finally see them live! I used to look up to top-rank beybladers before, but now, I was one of them! Hopefully, no one will notice I'm here, or else they'll make a huge report on how I like to listen to "The Machinadores." Not like I didn't want them to know that, but I just don't like the attention is all. Unlike Takao. He loves all the attention he can get, and he feels he never gets enough.  
  
~Isn't it sad when the blood that we shed  
  
Does not cleanse but taint with lead  
  
The more who die, the more the venom builds  
  
And our poor earth is lacking shields...~  
  
Yay! They started with "Hymn to the Damned"! It's not really an hymn, and they don't really talk about the damned, but I like that song. I mean, it's a anti-war statement of sorts, and I don't like war. It makes people unhappy, and I don't like unhappy people. What's good about this song is that it's Ben O'Haire who's singing it and it adds just so much more punch, because he's just so old and his voice creaks when it gets loud! It's like he was there, you know, and he's telling us all about it in a poetic fashion, even though it's not beautiful, and it's all mellow, so it contrasts with his voice and I have so much to say about it but I can't even put the words in my mouth.  
  
So the crowd claps and hoots at the end of the song, and let's face it, I do that too. They deserve it though, that was flawless! I liked it very much!  
  
"So, you all thought that was a tune..." starts the singer and then points at his group, "that was no tune! And you guys ain't shit!"   
  
Why did he say that!? I thought it was good, and so did everyone else! Does he really mean that? I don't know...I hope not, though. I don't want them to separate! That would be so bad!"  
  
"Roger, you really think you're that damn good? Get your ass behind the guitar, I'll show you evil tonight!" said the other lead guitar. It's fun that they take turns, especially since they both are so different, I mean, one's like an environmentalist who really cares about people and the other's just an evil person and she makes it known, and then sometimes the bass player sings, and he's also like me, always happy and cheery, but what he sings is like really depressy stuff, but it makes for a really original sound.  
  
~Kill crush 'n destroy  
  
Yeah, yeah this is my only joy  
  
Total propriety damage is upwards 3 mil.  
  
Have you finally guessed that this is evil?~  
  
Wow! I've never seen so many people headbang! I've...never seen so many people try to bump into each other either...this is scary! It really spooks me, it's like everyone went nuts! I know that they didn't, but I've never seen so many people get into it as much as they do! Hopefully, that will finish soon...I wonder what Takao's doing at the moment. He's gotta be pretty bored. I mean, there's no one to beyblade with, and he told me he never does anything else! The poor little guy, I'd have invited him if I had two tickets, but I didn't, and I didn't want to buy one because we'd be separated and I don't like being away from him, at least, I don't like it when I know I could be with him instead of being away from him...kinda like now. I miss him. I wish I didn't hurt his feelings this afternoon, I should have known he'd be angry like that. For some reason, he's been angry for the past two weeks or something. I wish he'd tell me what's wrong...I worry about him lots. It's because he's my best...no, my only friend. Kenny doesn't like me. I know he doesn't. He doesn't like me because he doesn't trust me, he seriously never did. He helped me out because I was on the team, but that's about it. He doesn't trust anyone. He's like Kai, only more talkative. He's kinda...paranoid about every single thing. So, yeah, Takao's my only friend, and I don't like seeing him angry all the time. Hey, wait, the song's over...and no, they're not playing this song! Not right now! No...I don't want to listen to it...not now!  
  
~This is it, the dream is dead  
  
I can't stop this feeling of dread  
  
Beat me, maim me, gut me for this sin  
  
After all, this won't fade away with some gin  
  
No love, no hate, no anything  
  
I just want you to know that you're my king~  
  
I knew it, it's "Just A Feeling", but I don't want to listen to it! Not while I'm thinking of Takao! After, maybe, before even, but not now! No...I like, no, love this song...but I don't want to think about it while I'm thinking of Takao. It makes me think that...I love...him. But I can't! He's my best friend! He can't be my best friend and someone I fall in love with at the same time, right!?  
  
~Just a hunch, just a hint  
  
Just a feeling, freshens like mint  
  
No one should have to hide away  
  
But is there any other way?~  
  
No, I don't want to feel it! It's wrong! It's not right, it's wrong! Even if it does refresh him, even if he does like me back the way I like him, it's just plain old wrong! I can't stand for this, but I want it so much...so much it hurts, sometimes. I need to talk to him. I need to tell him, but he'll be angry at me, so I won't.  
  
~There's no use holding it back  
  
We have something others lack  
  
Who knows when we'll meet again?  
  
So please kiss me through the pain  
  
Did you find yourself or myself?  
  
Yet there's only us on the shelf~  
  
So what if I WANT to hold it back? What if I have to?  
  
~Just a hunch, just a hint  
  
Just a feeling, freshens like mint  
  
No one should have to hide away  
  
But is there any other way?~  
  
But...that would make him angry. He was already a little miffed when I told him he didn't know everything about me, he deserves the truth. He's my best friend after all, and if I don't have the courage to tell him, then I won't be able to face him ever. I have to tell him...even though he'll probably be angry at it just like he was angry at me for not putting beyblading above everything else...  
  
~Look not unto the past, but the future  
  
But I prefer to look into your eyes of azure  
  
Say that you are mine, only mine  
  
Give this poor man a line  
  
Violate me, make me your possession  
  
Offer me to the goddess of passion~  
  
The choice stays up to me though, I don't know what he'll do with it, but I have to do it. I have to do it because I have to live with it, and that I want my life to continue. Instead of just stalling around like a coward, like I always do. I should accept that Takao's in trouble, and that he'll come to me if needed. I just don't want to see him suffer, and I won't suffer because of him. If he hates me, then at least I'll know where he stands.  
  
~Just a hunch, just a hint  
  
Just a feeling, freshens like mint  
  
No one should have to hide away  
  
But is there any other way?~  
  
It all comes down to this. I need to rush out the doors, I need to take my bike to go to Takao's. I need to shout my love to him. I leave my bike in the entrance, and I go to check if Takao's window is open, it's always hot in the summer, so of course it is. He notices me from the corner of his eye and I can finally scream the words that have been aching for so long...  
  
"TAKAO! I LOVE YOU!!!!"  
  
-----  
  
This is definitely finished for now. I might do the second chapter, but damn, this took way too long to write, I apologize. 


End file.
